BUBALUS STAND OFF

ABSENT MINDEDLY BICYCLING ALONG THE NATIONAL HIGHWAY 17 ON THE WAY TO CHAUDI IN THE 37 DEGREE CELSIUS PLUS MORNING HEAT I HAPPENED ACROSS A FAMILY OF WATER BUFFALOES BINOMIALLY KNOW AS BUBALUS BUBALIS DRYING THE MUD THEY HAD JUST ROLLED IN IN THE BLISTERING BAKING SUNSHINE

I PULLED INTO THE SIDE OFF THE ROAD WITHOUT SIGNALLING AS THE LOCALS DO AS I DECIDED IT WOULD BE STUPID TO MISS THIS GREAT PHOTO OPPORTUNITY

AFTER LEAPING FROM MY BICYCLE I QUIETLY CROUCHED DOWN AND MOVED SLOWLY TOWARDS THE BUBALUS BUBALIS SIMULTANEOUSLY WIPING THE FACTOR 50 SUN LOTION RESIDUE FROM MY DAMAGED IPHONE 4S LENS

I GOT AS CLOSE AS APRX 5 METRES AWAY AND ASCERTAINED THAT THEY HAD ALL TURNED THEIR HEADS IN MY DIRECTION AND WERE STARING ME DOWN AND REALISED I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEXICAN STAND OFF

UNFORTUNATELY I WAS ONLY ARMED WITH MY DAMAGED IPHONE 4S AND THEY WERE EACH ARMED WITH A PAIR OF HORNS OF THE MOST GIGANTIC PROPORTIONS AND I FELT THE ODDS HEAVILY STACKED AGAINST ME

IT WAS AT THAT PRECISE MOMENT I BECAME CONSCIOUS OF THE FACT I WAS WEARING PANTONE® 186 RED RALPH LAUREN POLYESTER SHORTS A PANTONE® 032 RED RALPH LAUREN CUSTOM FIT T SHIRT AND A PANTONE® 485 RED SWATCH WATCH MAKING ME THE PERFECT BOVINE TARGET

THEY ALL TOOK IT IN TURNS TO CONVERSE IN HINDI THEN SHOUTED SOMETHING IN UNISON WHICH I LATER TRANSLATED TO BE STAMPEDE

I FIRED OFF 1 SHOT FROM MY CAMERA THEN TURNED AND RAN AS FAST AS LIGHTENING HEARING THE THUNDEROUS SOUND OF WATER BUFFALO HOOVES IN CLOSE PROXIMITY BEHIND ME

EVENTUALLY I MANAGED TO JUMP OVER A HIGH CONCRETE WALL LANDED IN A PILE OF LARGE PEBBLES STROKE SMALL SIZED STONES WHICH I USED AS PROJECTILES AND AIMED AT THE BUBALUS BUBALIS FAT BELLIES UNTIL THEY GLEANED THE GAME WAS OVER AND LEFT TAILS BETWEEN THEIR LEGS MAKING DEEP IRATE SNORTING SOUNDS

ON COLLECTING MY RACING GREEN INDIAN BICYCLE IN TRUE GOAN STYLE I PULLED BACK ONTO THE NATIONAL HIGHWAY 17 WITHOUT LOOKING AND HEADED HOME AT QUITE A RATE OF KNOTS

AFTER EXTENSIVE RESEARCH I LATER FOUND OUT THAT BUBALUS BUBALIS EYES ONLY HAVE TWO COLOUR RECEPTORS AND AS IS THE COMMON MISCONCEPTION CANT SEE RED WHATSOEVER

I ALSO DISCOVERED ID LEFT THE FLASH ON MY DAMAGED IPHONE 4S IPHOTO APP AND THE WATER BUFFALOES HAD SIMPLY BEEN COUNTING HOW MANY GREY ITEMS I WAS WEARING AND ONLY STAMPEDED AFTER I HAD TAKEN THE FLASH PHOTOGRAPH

FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY HAS BEEN A MAJOR CAUSE OF BUFFALO STAMPEDES FOR APRX THOUSANDS OF YEARS

NATIONAL HIGHWAY 17 / CHAUDI / CANACONA / GOA / INDIA